Is anything changing for women in sports?
Six months ago, I published a first-person piece in The New York Times on being raped and dealing with rampant sexual harassment while I was a sports reporter. Opening myself up at that level felt like passing my heart around to a wide audience and hoping nobody would drop it and it would come back intact, undamaged. But I felt strongly that my sharing my story could help contribute to positive change, so I took on that risk.
As the end of the year approached, I wanted to reflect on the impact of my article, on me and beyond.
When I decided to write about my experiences publicly, I had three aims in mind:
1. To help other women working in sports/journalism, given that I could be frank without worrying about career impact as I’m no longer in the sports industry.
2. To raise consciousness of the fact that even smaller things like sexual innuendos and jokes that a female reporter must be sleeping with a player/agent/executive add up to cause discomfort, lead to a sliding slope on which some think some forms of sexual harassment are okay, and push women from the industry. Getting people (in sports but also in society) to move just one or two notches can make a difference — maybe someone who makes improper jokes will think twice about the impact, maybe someone who doesn’t make them but laughs at them will instead tell his friend that isn’t funny.
3. To contribute in some way to systemic change among sports teams and leagues — new training on sexual harassment, new policies, public awareness, stiffer penalties for misconduct, etc.
Once I decided to publish, and The Times decided to publish it, I knew that the reaction would be out of my hands, at least once editing was done. I could steel myself for different scenarios — trolls, support, lack of reaction, shock, etc — but couldn’t know exactly what to expect. Like passing that heart around, someone might drop it, someone might squeeze too tight, someone might be careless, anything could happen.
The reach of my article was more than I ever imagined. While I of course knew it would have a broad audience — it’s The New York Times — I didn’t know it would be one of the most-read articles in The Times that week and make the Sunday print edition or that my initial tweet sharing the article would have 4 million impressions.
I hadn’t — perhaps naively — expected the hundreds and hundreds of people (mostly women, but not all) who would reach out to share their own experiences of rape or sexual assault. Those were more than I could deal with, either practically from a time standpoint to write thoughtfully back to all or emotionally to realize just how many friends and colleagues and classmates and relatives (and strangers, of course) had experienced something so devastating. And almost none of their assailants faced any consequences — two, to be precise, both in cases with witnesses and multiple accusers, and even so, the consequences were mild — to pay legal fees in one case and for one who had abused minors to no longer have a job caring for children. So many people told me my story helped them, which I am grateful for.
I was positively heartened by the many kind words and messages of support from people I know, from close friends to people I hadn’t spoken with in years.
I prepared myself for trolls, yet it still felt like being shivved to see people accuse me of lying or chasing money or saying it couldn’t be true if I didn’t name the person or that I was responsible for other women’s suffering because I hadn’t gone to the police (oblivious to the fact that there was zero chance I would have been believed as a 22-year-old journalist against a Major League Baseball player; see two paragraphs above for how rare consequences are). It’s one thing to logically know that many people vastly underestimate the prevalence of sexual assault and sexual harassment, and vastly overestimate the chances of a woman being believed if she faces such; it’s another thing entirely to have the skeptics talking about you.
The lack of outreach from more than a handful of people in baseball who weren’t reporters stunned me.
What I didn’t anticipate was that after opening my heart up to the world was that the volume of high-profile sexual assault and harassment allegations and scandals would be such a flood in the next six months. I was acutely attuned to them this year, but the unrelenting string of stories — from Team USA gymnasts and Larry Nassar to the Washington Football Team cheerleaders to Mets manager Jared Porter to Los Angeles Angels pitching coach Mickey Callaway (see bottom for a fuller list).
Just a monstrous stream of accusations and admitted or proven wrongdoing. So I have ricocheted between being enraged and livid that we absolutely don’t care about sexual assault in our society, and being glad that I added my story to the cacophony of women speaking up. If we actually cared about sexual assault and sexual harassment in our society, it wouldn’t take many accusations before action is typically taken, it wouldn’t be so widely prevalent, and there would be harsher consequences for wrongdoers.
On the one hand, it’s progress that action is sometimes being taken in response to allegations.
On the other hand, for f%&*$ sake!!!
Why does it take many accusations before anything is done? Why did hundreds of gymnasts have to be abused before Larry Nassar was stopped? Why is the penalty often steeper for a player smoking weed than one accused of sexual misconduct?
Why do we not listen to or care about sexual harassment and assault allegations until the volume of accusations is overwhelming or the evidence is just impossible to hide?
I am TIRED of being outraged over yet another report of sexual assault or sexual harassment, or of yet another friend sharing their own experience. I don’t want to fight that battle over and over again. I have many other things I would rather do with my life, but I am not going to be quiet about injustice any longer, even if that closes off certain career paths because people would rather not hear it.
We need real change. That will only come when those who own and lead the leagues, clubs and companies decide to put doing the right thing first when there is a conflict between ethics and short-term wins and money. And that is only likely to happen when more male voices join those of us loudly advocating for change.
Not once, not once in a blue moon, but every day.
No need to wait until tomorrow for a New Year’s Resolution. Today is a great day to start.
Some of the sexual assault and sexual harassment cases in the news this year. Primarily from sports, with a handful of extremely high-profile non-sports cases included.
· Widespread sexual harassment allegations against Activision Blizzard and a $100 million settlement by Riot Games over similar allegations.
· The Team USA gymnasts finally getting some justice with a guilty verdict for team doctor Larry Nassar, but only after he abused hundreds of gymnasts.
· Bill Cosby being released from prison over technicalities after being accused by dozens and dozens of women of sexual abuse.
· Numerous National Women’s Soccer League players making sexual misconduct accusations against a coach
· San Jose State reaching a settlement with 15 former soccer players over sexual abuse by a former athletic trainer.
· The investigation into sexual harassment and worse against Washington Football Team cheerleaders being all but ignored
· New York Governor Andrew Cuomo resigning over sexual harassment allegations
· Barstool founder Dave Portnoy accused of sexual misconduct by several young women
· The trial of Ghislaine Maxwell, former girlfriend of the late Jeffrey Epstein, found guilty for sex trafficking of young girls, with a slew of prominent celebrities and politicians named as close to Maxwell and Epstein
· Dodgers pitcher Trevor Bauer placed on administrative leave while sexual assault accusations are investigated
· Texans’ (NFL) player Deshaun Watson being accused of sexual assault by numerous massage therapists
· Long-secret sexual assault allegations against former Dodgers’ star Yasiel Puig coming out earlier this month in the Washington Post
· The Chicago Blackhawks having covered up sexual assault allegations against a former video coach
· Braves outfielder Marcell Ozuna being suspended 20 games for strangling his wife, but it was retroactive and he will be back Opening Day
· MLB Hall of Famer Roberto Alomar fired after sexual misconduct allegations
· MLB updated sexual harassment policies after Mets manager Jared Porter resigned over repeatedly sending lewd photos to a female sports reporter and Angels pitching coach Mickey Callaway was suspended, then banned over doing the same to multiple female sports reporters
